


Live And Let Lust, The Secret Lives of McShep

by kuonji



Series: The Secret Lives Of McShep [1]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Time, Flash Fic, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-29
Updated: 2012-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-02 18:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/371874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuonji/pseuds/kuonji
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Rodney spends a lot of time grumbling about how obviously no one has any idea how Ancient environment control fail-safes work, and how there is no such <b>thing</b> as an Ancient egg-beater, and even if there were, it certainly could not do <b>that</b></i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Live And Let Lust, The Secret Lives of McShep

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the sga_flashfic challenge, "Seven Deadly Sins".
> 
> This was written with sole intent to traumatize dracostella.
> 
> Alternative Links:  
> <http://community.livejournal.com/sga_flashfic/318594.html>

According to reports afterward, it had started as early as fifteen days after the declassification of Atlantis.

Someone who thinks he has a sense of humor brings back the first two from Earth-side leave, and it's not even twenty-four hours before they've made the rounds on IRC #Atlantis.

John and Elizabeth look at each other funny and staff meetings become increasingly awkward for a few days, until finally John leans back in his chair one morning, mid-briefing, and says, "Hey, you know what? I can forgive them for the hair but at least he had a big dick."

They all stare at him in shock, and Carson and Zelenka look nervously at Elizabeth, who, unsurprisingly, recovers fast.

"Too bad I can't say the same for her. It looked like she had seawater dumped over her head. And for the record? I have never worn nail polish that color in my life."

After that, things are easy again, and when they bring it up it's only to laugh about how the uniforms are invariably wrong.

Unfortunately, it does seem to send the wrong sort of message to the masses, because more and more starts popping up. It's barely two months before the gay stuff starts trickling in.

Lorne corners his CO one afternoon and swears up and down that he has the utmost respect for Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard, sir, and he would never dream of publicly humiliating him in front of his men -- with or without handcuffs.

John assures him with a straight face that he completely understands and doesn't hold anything against him -- and later that night he takes a six-pack of carefully horded Canadian beer to Rodney's room and tries not to be annoyed when Rodney rubs it in.

"I really thought it'd be Bates," he grumbles, as Rodney declares his genius analytical abilities for the fifth time.

Of course, it's only two days after that before "The Science of DADT" hits the Atlantis servers. Rodney walks around as if Wraith-stunned for most of the day, only recovering when John shows up to ask sweetly for his beer back.

Interesting enough, it seems to be the start of a trend, and "The Science of..." is soon followed by "Physicists Always Get Their Man" and "Lieutenants Love Their Geeks" and the ever-groaning favorite "Touch Something For Me".

Rodney spends a lot of time grumbling about how obviously no one has any idea how Ancient environment control fail-safes work, and how there is no such _thing_ as an Ancient egg-beater, and even if there were, it certainly could not do _that_.

John's just kind of annoyed that they still keep getting his rank wrong.

Carson assures him it's probably mostly to avoid defamation lawsuits.

The first time Rodney bitches about always being the bottom (even with _women_ , goddammit) at the dinner tables, John nearly sprays water out his nose, and Teyla gets out one uncomposed guffaw before pretending to be choking on her asparagus instead. John takes to leaving scorecards in Rodney's vest.

Rodney gets back at him by setting up a frequency chart. Inexplicably, McKay gets more action (onscreen at least) than anybody else on Atlantis.

John counters with a detailed tally of how many times pseudo-Rodney is discovered to be a scared virgin.

Someone unidentified posts a Top Ten and Rodney is absolutely insufferable when the "King of Science" series monopolizes the charts for three weeks running.

Then there's an explosion and a subterfuge and another wave of Wraith ships swoop in unannounced, and it's a long time before anyone has time for thinking about much beyond staying alive.

The day "Live and Let Lust, the Secret Lives of McShep" goes into circulation, it's an utter relief to sit at the meeting table, ignoring business while sniping back and forth about what they're each sure will be in it, instead of what they're each sure will save them from certain death.

John practically races Rodney down the halls and when he gets to his own room and gets comfortable, he is impossibly cheered by the bad music and the cheesy set-up. He pumps his fist in the air when _Colonel_ Shep makes the first move and screws his way through Atlantis all in the first scene while a (scared) virgin Dr. McCoy pines away with only his (bottoming) fantasies to keep him company.

He leaves it running as he grabs one of the custom scorecards he's got printed up, and he's looking for a pen when it gets -- weird.

The producer of this one was obviously feeling reckless and/or inspired. The shots of James Shep and Rod McCoy's burgeoning storybook lust are interspersed with dubbed segments of actual clippings gleaned from Earth-side newsreels and the one documentary.

He sees, for the first time from a third-person perspective, the look he and Rodney had shot each other before answering the sticky question of _when_ , and the laugh he and Rodney had shared when asked the question _why_. And then there had been the incident where a pushy journalist had said something particularly snide to John, insinuating dirty foundations for his leadership and devaluing the entire scientific body of Atlantis all in one swoop, and the over-accented but otherwise not-too-inaccurate dub gives a whole different reason for why McKay had slugged the journalist one in the ear.

It's all laid out in front of him, and John isn't sure how to take it.

When Rodney shows up at his door with no beer, chocolate, or wisecracks, John knows he's seen it too.

They stand uncertainly on either side of the threshold, before John leans back and says, mildly, "I'm not actually that easy."

Rodney snorts and answers, "Not actually that studly either."

"Hey!"

They share a look, and they share a laugh, and John Sheppard invites Rodney McKay inside, for a movie he thinks they'll both enjoy.

  
END.

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of declassification gossip came from shalott's "A Beautiful Lifetime Event", which I am sure you all have read, but just in case you haven't, [please do](http://www.intimations.org/fanfic/stargate/lifetime_event.html).
> 
> "But he'd seen enough tabloid headlines screaming in the airport to be very, very glad he lived in another galaxy: things like, _Team_ _Orgies_! _Shocking_ _Photos_ _Reveal_ _The_ _Truth_!"
> 
> * * *
> 
> If you enjoyed this story, you might try these:   
>      [Surprises](http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/3851.html) (Stargate Atlantis), by kuonji   
>      [Cliche](http://community.livejournal.com/sga_flashfic/352342.html) (Stargate Atlantis), by kuonji  
>      [Potential](http://kuonji14.livejournal.com/8737.html) (Stargate SG-1), by kuonji  
>      [Merchandising](http://community.livejournal.com/sga_flashfic/852054.html) (Stargate Atlantis), by losyark  
>  


End file.
